Think happy thoughts

When I was four I used to wear out the tape of three different video cassettes, The first was Mary Poppins, the second was Peter Pan and the third was Hook. The amount I would watch these movies was to my fathers chagrin. We had the entire disney collection up to that point and my mother, was constantly adding to it. For whatever reason though my energy was fixated on those three films. I too wanted to fly, I wanted to soar and it was no mistake that all three films featured a true free spirit who comes in to change and free those around them. Mary Poppins was an angel thats what I believed, she came to free the Banks children from the box that was stifling their childhood. Peter was the same he was also a figure who existed to deliver childhood to children being raised without it. In Hook it is Neverland that teaches Peter Banning to stop and see wonder in his life again.

    My father wanting me to stop driving him crazy with these films one day sat me down. He was Greek, and still is. When he speaks his words are spare and to the point. I clearly did not get this characteristic. He sat me down and with his thick accent said.

Kosta
Peter Pan and Mary Poppins are no real,
It is pretend, his name is Robin Williams and her name is Julia.... it does no matter.
They is no real, it is called acting they are pretending

I was crushed, and then my little four year old brain started to spin and I realized something, I too could never grow up, I could be an actor. My mind never wavered on the concept.

Peterborough, Ontario was a fascinating place to be a young actor. Every suburban inch of it. Peterborough was founded by the Algonquin and Missisauga Nations but its white history came when politician Peter Robinson from York(Toronto) formed an ambitious plan to bring poor Irish workers in from Britain to work the land in Peterborough. It has remained very Irish, very protestant and very blue collar. I grew up smelling the oats baking at the Quaker factory and hearing people at my parents restaurant, at the time a Pizzeria complain about paying union dues. I saw this simple Norman Rockwell town of at the time 64000 its now at nearly 90 as a place Peter Pan would come take you away from so you could see what existed beyond it.

Peter never came, but that just made me improvise, I asked my Aunt  Jaqueline who was the best seamstress I knew to make me a Peter Pan costume. She made me a hunter green felt tunic and bought a pair of green ballet tights. I was in heaven. I would put the costume on and tell my family that Kosta had gone to never land and I was here in his place. And I did I went to Neverland, I met the lost boys, I had friends and adventures with other kids and it didnt matter that in my real life I was in Peterborough.

The garden

As the bus approaches the grounds on which I grew
The garden in which I spawned
Before I shed the roots
I suddenly have a realization
A knowledge
An awakening
I see that my roots simply grew longer
I know that I will now be forced to answer
For a life lived in a way that fulfills me
I will be made to feel guilt for my happiness
They ask me why I return so rarely

She

She was free
Free of her generation
Free of preconceptions
Free of convention
She dressed in gowns and sheared her hair
She never assumed a person was straight
She never assumed an individual with an Adams apple was male
Or one with breasts female
She left it to them to tell her what they were
The only thing she found intolerable was intolerance.

Value

I used to feel value
As though I somehow had something to offer
Someone
Equating value with money
Leaves me in the bargain bin
I am the marked down item no one needs for free
Worse still I am a leach sucking the blood out of those
Who give value to my dreams
I am a nothing carrying nothing
A burden never asked for
Sitting on a park step
Dreaming of the day I'll deserve
The time to dream
The man who loves me
And all the oppurtunities my parents gave me

If your right handed use your left

2 years ago from my perspective

Two years ago today I got a call from Richard at the LGBT center. I
was at the time a producer on the now defunct out at the center. He
wanted to know if I would be okay with covering a marriage equality
New York rally instead of the Aids Walk. I agreed to do it.

I met Chris my partner in crime for the day at his Brooklyn Heights
apartment and we made our way to Cadman Plaza for the rally.

The Gender Offenders performed, I'd known Candy Samples from having
lived in Queens and then this really cute blonde with a guitar got up
and started to create a trumpet with his voice. Then he sang a song a
cappela. What struck me was his adorable quiet demure Midwestern boy
smile and shrug leading into these incredible performances. I knew I
had to meet him.

I approached him at the tent for performers and introduced myself
through my centre credentials. I asked if he had a list because I was
too shy to ask for his contact info and thought I'd go see him
perform. He didn't have a list. I walked away.

Chris asked me what the hell I was thinking. You like him right, I
said yeah he has an amazing smile. I went back and my life has only
continued to get better since.

His smile

Konstantine Malakos
Loose Marbles Productions
347-604-1503
Sent from my mobile device

Vinyl

Rob and I got a turntable a couple weeks ago. I love it, I used to use
my parents back home. It really forces you to really listen to an
album it's music for the pre add world. I am currently working on
putting together a complete Julie Andrews collection. I now have The
Boy Friend, Camelot, Mary Poppins, Thoroughly Modern Millie,
Cinderella, and My Fair Lady on it's way ( thank you eBay )